Child Custody: Your Worst Enemy Is One Of Your Kids’ Best Friends
Posted By Lucille Uttermohlen on November 23, 2010
Your custody case is a new and frightening thing to you. To your divorce judge, it is a daily part of her work. Because of this, it may seem like the judge, not only doesn’t agree with you, but is not even paying attention to your case.
You may feel alone in the process, but you aren’t really. There is someone else who is biting her nails and sweating bullets waiting for the whole nerve racking business to end. Your lawyer may sympathize, but the fate of your children isn’t as important to him as it is to you. You hope your witnesses have your back, and they may. However, their stake in the outcome is not as great as yours. The only other person who is mirroring your anxiety in the courtroom is the very person you are fighting, your ex.
It is tempting, and all too common to view your ex as irritating and unnecessary competition. It is his very existence that stands in the way of you winning the contest for your kids well being. Assuming you are not a registered sex offender or child molester, they would share your home without question if the other parent was not around. Since she is, you have to produce evidence and testimony to prove that your kids would be better off living with you.
Still, she is a factor, and no matter what the judge decides, she will be the other parent, and will be important to your children. The best thing to do is to avoid the custody fight altogether. If you and she can reach an agreement that gives you each plenty of contact with your children, maybe you can both walk away without feeling that you lost.
When you talk to each other about custody, remember, you both want what’s best for your kids. You both want to continue being involved in their daily activities. If your kids are assured that you are each content with the custody situation, they will be under a lot less stress. Obviously, you and your ex will also benefit if they feel comfortable.
Prepare to be generous with each other. The court’s parenting time guidelines, or visitation schedule is just a suggestion. The judge doesn’t have to follow it unless you and your ex don’t come up with something else. You can always change the standard visitation suggestions to meet your family’s needs. The court will be happy to approve an agreement that gives the kids the most contact with each parent.
Consider the child’s activities. Maybe Dad can coach your son’s Little League team, even if he makes his primary home with Mom. Maybe Mom can take your daughter shopping for school clothes, even if she sleeps at Dad’s house.
Child support is another area where parents can compromise. The ultimate reason for child support is to keep one parent from having to carry the full load concerning the child’s financial needs. If Dad spends part of what he would normally pay directly to Mom on the daughter’s sports equipment, or Mom drives the son to his band competitions, it may feel more like a contribution to the child’s well being than a forced payment to the other parent.
Each divorcing couple has decisions to make. Whether they choose to work together, or leave their family’s fate to the judge will have an impact on their satisfaction with the outcome. Couples are in a much better position to make their family’s post divorce transition as seamless as possible under very difficult circumstances.
There is no one size fits all solution to the child custody issue. However, if parents take the time to discuss their kids needs and wants calmly and realistically, the final decision about the child’s post divorce care is much more likely to be the best result for everyone involved.
Get a leg up on your child custody case by learning what the judge has to consider. Go here for answers to your questions. Child Custody: Where Your Kids Will Live After Your Divorce OR Ask me at thelawlady@couple-or-not.com
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